Usually I write using Microsoft Word like the rest of the fucking world and I rely on it’s grammer and spelling suggestions. I’ve been lazy the last few days and tonight I’ve sat in front of my computer beginning poems, rants, stories, commentary and whatever other bullshit I try to make sense of and continue to backspace it to oblivion.
I decided if I was going to post today I had better just go for it directly in Word Press. I’m typing what comes to my mind and I’ll end when I feel it’s time. I’m not going to proof it a dozen times like I normally do. I’m not going to use dictionary.com or thesaurus.com or rhymezone.com. I’m not going to add hyperlinks to the before mentioned sites either.
I’m sure most writers will say editing and changing is all part of the process and I agree but for once I’m letting the words fall where they may. I hope this makes some sense. What does it mean to perfect the written word anyways? Is it fair? Is it truly genuine? Isn’t that what art is supposed to be? In today’s world you can use all sorts of progrms and machines to make the end product exceptionally manufactured. We criticize musicians and film makers for too much production and forget photography. Any person with a phone can be a photographer now. What’s left?
I began this blog becasue I want to be a writer and in 2017 you have more opportunities to be recognized however with those comes many more obstacles to avoid. Truth is I’m insecure like most writers and artists for that matter. I hate referring to myself as an artist because I feel you have to create something original to be considered one. I’m not horrible at putting words together and compared to much of the world today I have a better vocabulary than most. At least in the top 50% I think. My writing is incoherent usually. I jump from one thought to another because that’s usually how my brain works. I also have an extremely hard time putting my thoughts down the way I want to and frustrating is the word I would use to describe it but I can’t think of the word that would best define it so moving on.
The internet has done what? Has it made life better? I’m not sure sometimes. So when I do manage to write something I think I could publish I can do it 100% on my own if I choose but then I have to market it, publicize it, and every other things required to release a book. It’s harder than ever to be picked up by and “old school” publisher. Even if I cam up with a really original idea, and I’m afraid there are none left in the world, I’d have to write it well enough to have someone show intrest in it.
I didn’t go to school for writing. I have no real training and although it’s on my list of things to do to reach my goal of being a writer that makes a living off his writing I don’t really have the time or money to take writing classes and basic English classes so I can refresh my-12-years-removed-from-college-self in basic grammar, punctuation, and syntax.
I’m struggling to push myself toward my goal because my insecurities are crippling. Just read this fucking blog post. I was getting to that before too and I got side-tracked by a different thought. I’m not interested in blogging. I’m not interested in followers, likes, comments or any of that bullshit. Readers make a writer successful but blogging is garbage and in my opinion egotistical. It’s all part of the instant gratification society we live in today and I don’t really want to be part of that.
This is a rant about nothing and everything. It’s incoherent. It’s stream-of-consciousness and I’m finding myself pausing before choosing my next words which means even in my greatest effort I’m still self-editing as I type. Is art meant to be perfect? That’s not a modern dilemma though. Writers, painters, composers, sculptors, and the like have been critical of their work since art became an institution in human existence. Are you truly creating when you constantly alter your original concept?
It’s a cliche now but aren’t we supposed to kill our darlings? Whatever the fuck it means. Take what you find to be your best effort and destroy and start fresh. I have no darlings. I have bastards. I have enemies in the form of connected letters. I have partially realized thoughts that my half educated mind spits out in overstated, scream in your face, presumably pedantic prose that are more than likely structurally unsound.
Why all the rules to language? Why all the rules in general? Seriously, is conveying your idea incorrect just because you broke a grammatical rule? Is the arrogance of language more important than the idea?
I constantly switch between pronouns. Forget tenses. I never know if I’m in the past, present, or future.
I chose not to included a picture for this post which I not so cleverly mentioned in the title. Why? Because it is my least favrite part of blogging. I don’t care about what picture goes well with my post. It’s a waste of time and distracting. I’m not an animator, painter, or photographer. I’m horrible at all of them. I’m not including pictures with my posts anymore. Guess that means I’ll have zero hits which will put me in the exact position I’m already in so…
Perhaps, I’m not a writer or artist. I’m mediocre at laying the drums and as I said I can’t draw or do anything crafty. I’m a decent dancer. My singing is best left in the shower or car. I can put on a pretty good act when I need to but I’m starting to think I lack a certain amount of creativity. Some may say you don’t need it if you follow a formula but what the fuck is that about? I don’t want to write the same thing over and over but in a slightly different way. Are we really just constantly repeating the same hero’s journey over n over and over and over and over? Over.